The Check Out Line - Advice We Wish We Didn't Need

This spring, my 88 year old mother-in-law Mary Mills from Vermont decided to fly to California for a reunion with her brother and sister. All were healthy and in their 80's. It was her birthday gift to herself and although we were concerned about the stress of a transcontinental trip on her aged constitution, we supported her decision to go.

The first week went well. There were parties, reunions with nieces and nephews, long talks and walks in the California sun. But then Mary fell. Her emergency room visit led to an infection, then pneumonia, then respiratory failure. After eight weeks of hospitalization, seeming recovery and then her body failing again, Mary passed away with her grown children at her side.

Mary had a relatively brief illness after a long, mostly happy and vital life. She told us she was ready to go. Her death was not long and painful. We were blessed to be with her, feeling sure that she knew she was surrounded by love, until the end.

Unfortunately, many final illnesses are not like Mary's. Many suffer longer and more difficult terminal conditions. Caregivers are called on to be there for months and years. Yet these topics are not easily shared in our culture. Many avoid talking about their own ordeals and may not know where to turn for help and support.

That's why journalist Judy Bachrach started an online advice column for the dying and their loved ones called thecheckoutline.org. Judy is a contributing editor for Vanity Fair and a long-time hospice volunteer. She solicits questions and promises to find the answers that she might not have at her fingertips. She describes herself as "a professional listener" and encourages others to share their comments and stories.

I like the welcome video that Judy has posted on her site. It puts a face on what could be a rather impersonal approach to such a personal crisis. Her column is an intelligent, well-organized and welcome resource for the toughest times in our lives.